Eat Like the Caveman

If you go to CrossFit and you want to try to lose weight and eat healthy, they might tell you to try the Paleo Diet.  It helps you lose weight.  You get lots of fruits and vegetables, but you don't get to eat ice cream and popcorn and jelly beans and candy and sweets and chocolate.  It's called the Paleo Diet, because it's based on people who lived in the Paleolithic Era lived.  So, some people call it the caveman diet.  Anybody can do it, even if you don't go to CrossFit.

I think it's okay, but it's not as fun as I wish it were.  I like popcorn and ice cream and stuff like that.  Plus, I'm not a caveman, so why should I eat like one.  Ook and Gluk were probably on that diet, though.

My dad is making all of us do the Paleo Diet with him, because he needs to lose weight.

If you have to go on a diet because your dad is fat, then it could be worse than the Paleo Diet, because you can eat lots of grapes and bananas and peaches.

Truth and Consequences Redux

Here's a similar tip to yesterday's (my dad says it could be called a "corollary"):  If your dad has been trying to get in shape, it's not okay to tell him, "You're still fat, though."

Geez! All these rules for how to talk to your parents.

A Crack in the Foundation

I have a tip for people who wear pants that don't fit them, especially if you're bootylicious. Buy some pants that fit you. For goodness sake don't sit down at a bar and let your pants slip down.

Today at a restaurant I sat facing a guy who obviously should have heard this tip before he got dressed today.

He was the mayor of Crackville.

It was a six inch crack sandwich in denim bread.

It was plumber's crack and he was charging holiday rates.

You could have hidden a small puppy in that thing.

Believe me, it was gross.

Do me a favor: don't put some other kid through the torture I endured today. Buy some pants that fit and wear a belt.

From Storms to Blizzards

You should go to Dairy Queen and get a Blizzard, because those Blizzards are sweet-mama good.  So are the ice cream cookies and chocolate covered cones.  Those are good, too.  They also have Diet Coke with vanilla flavoring in them.  My mom is addicted to them.  My dad likes them, too, but not as much as my mom.

My favorite Blizzard is the new Strawberry Golden Oreo.  Mmmmmm, mmmmmm.

Kitty Kuddling

When you get the chance, cuddle with your kitties.  It's fun and they're warm and furry.  When you're cold in your downstairs basement, they'll sit on your lap and cuddle with you and get you nice and toasty.  A stupid dog won't warm you up at all.

Snuggle up with a cat and you'll have a smile on your face.

By the way, my cat Frodo is almost as fat as Puss in Boots.

Best Birthday Ever: Eats and Decor

Here's tip number three in my ongoing series of how to have the best birthday party ever.

Cake and balloons and pizza always make for a better party.  I don't even really like cake and I still know that you need it for a successful birthday party.  Plus, my mom makes a mean Wilton cake decorated however I want.

Balloons make for a more festive environment.  Pizza is just yummy.

Here's a preview for tomorrow's tip:  two words . . . goody bags!!

Pampering at Grandma's House

Go visit your grandma's house because you get to eat like kings.  


[Ed. note:  This tip comes to you on a full stomach, after having eaten 4 strips of bacon, scrambled eggs, and several cookies for breakfast.]

Guest Tips

I'm going to let my cousins, Joel and Charlie, give their tips today.  Joel is 8, like me (but not 8 2/3).  Charlie is 5, like my brother.  Here they are:

Joel:  I don't want to give a tip.  Fine:  sports are good exercise.  You should play sports.

Charlie:  Don't use bad words.  If you do, you're stupid.

Thanks, cuzzes!

Fat Cats

If your cat gets too fat, you may have to put it on a diet.  Some cats, like my cat Frodo, eat too much and get all lumpy, fat, and lazy.  Sometimes he has a hard time jumping up on things because he's so big.  I think he should stop hogging all the food and let my other cat Pippen have some.

If you have a cat and you think it might be overweight and needs to go on a diet, send me a picture of it.  I can tell you whether it's just big or if it's really fat.

P.S.  The picture at the link is of Frodo as a kitten.  Believe me, he is a big hunk of humongous kitty now.