GREAT Grandma

This has been a tough month for my family.  Only a couple of weeks after my Great Grandpa passed away, my Great Grandma Velma passed away.  I didn't know her as well as my Great Grandpa Bob, because she was sick for most of the time I've been alive.  But, she was always around and it will be weird without her.

I'll miss you Grandma . . . I love you.

Remember:  Appreciate your parents (and grand and great grand) while you have them!

A-Cord-ing to Me

If you have pets, then you should make sure that they don't chew on cords, because it could hurt them and the cords.  So, make sure you always watch your pets so they don't chew on cords.

Electrically fried pet is not a good dinner.

A Crack in the Foundation

I have a tip for people who wear pants that don't fit them, especially if you're bootylicious. Buy some pants that fit you. For goodness sake don't sit down at a bar and let your pants slip down.

Today at a restaurant I sat facing a guy who obviously should have heard this tip before he got dressed today.

He was the mayor of Crackville.

It was a six inch crack sandwich in denim bread.

It was plumber's crack and he was charging holiday rates.

You could have hidden a small puppy in that thing.

Believe me, it was gross.

Do me a favor: don't put some other kid through the torture I endured today. Buy some pants that fit and wear a belt.

State of Confusion

My shirt says "Don't Mess with Texas."  I don't even know what that means.  It doesn't make sense, because how would you mess with a whole state?  I guess you could say something bad about a state, but then who's going to do anything about it.  I'm sure the state has more important things to do than to worry about if I "mess" with it.

Instead of worrying about whether you're messing with a whole state, I suggest you that you "Don't Mess with Calvin."

Not Just Fit, CrossFit

I worked my butt off today at CrossFit Bloomington.  I went with my dad to the gym today and did the workout.  Holy cow it was hot and we did some hard work.

I wish they would start a CrossFit Kids program.  I would do it.  My mom and dad belong to CFB and go there five or six times a week.

If you need a good workout, you should try CrossFit.

P.S.  We came home and jumped in the pool.  That was a relief!

Good Night and Big Balls

Want a good laugh?  Like to see people bite the dust in hilarious ways?

Watch Wipeout!

Anti-Dentite

You probably don't want to get a filling, so remember to brush your teeth.  I got three fillings today and it hurt!  But, it's better to get fillings than to let your cavities grow and have to get your teeth pulled.

I don't want to scare you from the dentist, but I pretty much hate it.

Brush your teeth.  Floss regularly.


[Ed. note:  Calvin actually does a really good job of brushing his teeth, but he had three molars that had congenital defects in them that led to his needing fillings.  His mom and I didn't make a big deal of that, because we didn't want him to blame us for his bad genetics!  --Calvin's dad]

Hope to Avoid Extermination

If you ever run into a Dalek, run away fast!  And pray that the Doctor is around the corner.  The Dalek will probably be saying, "Exterminate!"

If the Doctor is around the corner, I'm sure he and his sonic screwdriver will save you.  He is the cleverest being in the whole universe, you know.  He's never saved me; but I've never been chased by a Dalek either.

I wonder if I could become the Doctor's youngest companion ever.  What do you think?

Not Half as Good as It Used to Be

I love riding scooters.  I had an old one my neighbor gave me.  But, do you know what?  It broke in half yesterday.  Seriously, right in half!

So my tip to you is that, if you like to ride scooters like me, make sure you don't break yours in half by doing sick tricks, like me.

P.S.  That's not me in the picture.  I'm good, but not that good.

Book Bully

If you have a little brother who might pull your books off the bookshelf and rip them up, then you need to make sure you put your books on a high shelf so that he can't reach them.

I have a little brother who does those kinds of things and he totally ripped up my really special copy of the first three books of the City of Ember.  I am so mad at him.  My dad didn't even punish him.

Protect your books!!

To Bee or Not to Bee

I'm excited that it's springtime.  But here's tip: bees start to come out in the spring and they can sting you.  So, "bee" careful around flowers.  Bee stings can really hurt you.  At least I think so; I've never been stung.

Sometimes Kids Know What They're Talking About

Today's tip is for parents:  If your child says he or she is hurt, then you should take him seriously and take him to the doctor.  Don't just pretend like it's not true.  


My aunt did a really good job of this with my cousin Joel this week.  He said he was hurt and she listened and took him to the doctor.  Even though the doctor didn't figure out what was hurting Joel right away, I'm proud of my aunt for listening to Joel. She's a good mom.


Now, my second tip is for Joel:  Get well soon!!!

Well Wishes to a Friend in Need

I have friend, who is a table parent at my Wednesday night church program, who has cancer and is really sick.  My tip is that you should always be nice to your friends in need.  You should send them cards, like we did at my church.  You should do special things for them, like we sang a special song on a CD for my friend (aka "the Vampire" -- he helps with American Red Cross blood drives).  And you should write something nice about them, like I'm doing now.

I also want to tell my friend that I'm thinking of you and I hope you feel better!

Say a prayer for my friend, his wife, and his family.

Movie Mayhem Day 5: The Spy Next Door

The Spy Next Door is a great movie.  There's this awesome spy dude and his girlfriend and three children.  It's a great spy movie.  The bad guys are trying to catch the spy.  It stars Billy Ray Cyrus, George Lopez, and Jackie Chan as the spies.

The action made the movie really exciting, but not only that.  The bad guy kept wearing weird clothes and costumes and that really made me laugh.

The movie included amazing spy gear.  My little cousin Charlie, who is 5 years old almost, loves spy gear.  We got him some for Christmas.  He always wants me to play spy with him when I'm visiting northern Indiana where he lives.  But the last time I was there, he scratched me and kicked me.  So, I decided not to play with him anymore that trip.

The kids in The Spy Next Door had some great traps they set.  That was very entertaining.

I think you should see The Spy Next Door!

Swab the Throat, Matey! Arrrrrgh . . . .

Being sick is terrible, espcially if you have a sore throat.  You might have to get your throat swabbed to test for Strep.  It hurts.  Bad.

In Remembrance

If your grandparents are still alive, you should spend time with them, play with them, and really enjoy and love them.

I was lucky to get to spend time with my Grandpa Kip.  I miss him a lot.  But I also have a lot of great memories of my times with him.

Grandpa Kip

July 4, 1943-February 8, 2009

Super Sore Loser

Hey, Colts and Saints fans.  Well, the Saints won.  I don't like the Saints at all.  They're dumb.  I wanted the Colts to win.

So, if you're a Saints fan, enjoy it.  Because the Colts are gonna beat you again sometime soon.

This isn't so much a tip today as a comment.  Boo Saints.

Ninjas vs. Assassins

I love ninjas.  Assassins are cool, too.

This is a weird question that you guys might be able to answer.  Who would win if assassins and ninjas had a battle?

Personally, I don't know which one would win.  I hope that the ninjas would win, because they're my favorite.  On the other hand, I do like assassins who get to the last level and get their ninja certification so that they're ninja assassins.

My ninja name is "Moon."  Sun is my weakness, so I have to wear a brown blindfold and black cloak.  I can see through the blindfold, but it's not easy.

What's your ninja name?  You should have one.  Don't forget to figure out your weakness and your clothes.

Ketchup Blood: Pro & Con

Faking that you're bleeding by pouring ketchup on yourself is a bad idea.  You might actually end up in the hospital and that wouldn't be good. On the other hand, you could use the ketchup on your body to dip the french fries that you buy at the drive thru on the way home from the hospital.

In Both Senses . . .

Vomiting stinks!