Karma Sunday

Karma. It's when good things happen to you when you're good and bad things happen to you when you're bad.

My tip is that you shouldn't expect karma always to work.

I told my dad today that he doesn't seem to have karma, because even when he's mean to me bad things don't seem to happen to him. Unfortunately, it seems like karma does work for me. I mean, I seem to get in trouble or other bad things happen when I'm naughty.

Not. Fair.

The Not-So-Golden Rule

If you want me to be nice to you, you should be nice to me.

I keep telling my parents that, but it doesn't make them any nicer to me.

It makes me mad.

Hey, Mr. Weiss Guy!

If you're name is Dan, you should make sure you read my blog EVERY DAY.

(Hint, Hint.)

Tricks of the Fourth Grade Trade

Diversion . . . it's a good word I learned the other day.  It's also what I do to my parents to trick them into letting me stay up later.  I create a diversion.

Try it.  It works.

Un-Rapping the Ninja

If I know one thing for sure, it's that ninjas don't rap.  So the song "Enter the Ninja" by Die Antwoord is just plain wrong.

P.S.  I'm not going to link to the song, because it turns out it has naughty words in it.

YouLaugh

My new friends Leo, Zachary, and Max introduced my friend Christopher and me to a bunch of funny YouTube videos by this guy who calls himself NigaHiga. They are hilarious. Here are a few of my favorites. You should watch them!

iPod Human



Sham Woo-Hoo!



Children's Bop



Dude vs. Wild

A-Cord-ing to Me

If you have pets, then you should make sure that they don't chew on cords, because it could hurt them and the cords.  So, make sure you always watch your pets so they don't chew on cords.

Electrically fried pet is not a good dinner.

A Crack in the Foundation

I have a tip for people who wear pants that don't fit them, especially if you're bootylicious. Buy some pants that fit you. For goodness sake don't sit down at a bar and let your pants slip down.

Today at a restaurant I sat facing a guy who obviously should have heard this tip before he got dressed today.

He was the mayor of Crackville.

It was a six inch crack sandwich in denim bread.

It was plumber's crack and he was charging holiday rates.

You could have hidden a small puppy in that thing.

Believe me, it was gross.

Do me a favor: don't put some other kid through the torture I endured today. Buy some pants that fit and wear a belt.

Freak-a-Deak

I'm a super freak, super freak. I'm super freaky.

Are you?

Feathered Spokesperson

If you have a parrot, you should teach it to say, "I already did my homework."  That way, if your parents ask you to do your homework instead of watch TV, you can have the parrot answer and you won't be the one lying.

Other helpful sayings your parrot could learn would be:

1. Buy Calvin a new toy.
2. I'm hungry.
3. Yes, I took a shower.
4. I'm making my bed.

A Taxonomy of Naughty Words

I know all of the naughty words.  Naughty words come in three types: bad words, cuss words, and swear words.  Bad words aren't necessarily swear words or cuss words, but they're just bad to say, like shut up, stupid, and idiotic.  Cuss words are words like both "d" words, the "b" word, and a few others.  The difference between cuss words and bad words or swear words is that they are really bad, but not quite as bad as swear words, which are just a few words that are really specially picked out as the worst.  Swear words are really, really bad words, which you should probably never say in your whole life.  I won't give examples, because they're so bad you shouldn't even think them.

Most people should avoid naughty words altogether.  Some people have a problem with naughty words.  They're just bad eggs.  They are like Veruca Salt in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  She was just a bad nut.