Sometimes Kids Know What They're Talking About

Today's tip is for parents:  If your child says he or she is hurt, then you should take him seriously and take him to the doctor.  Don't just pretend like it's not true.  


My aunt did a really good job of this with my cousin Joel this week.  He said he was hurt and she listened and took him to the doctor.  Even though the doctor didn't figure out what was hurting Joel right away, I'm proud of my aunt for listening to Joel. She's a good mom.


Now, my second tip is for Joel:  Get well soon!!!

On Showering

Showers are stupid.  It's been four nights in a row that I've had to take a shower and my parents still want me to take another one!  Come on!  I mean, how clean does one person have to get?

If your parents tell you to take a shower, tell them, "I don't have to.  You're not the boss of me."

Okay, maybe that is a bad tip, because you're probably going to get in trouble if you follow it.

My dad says the tip should be that you should just quickly take the shower and not complain about it, because complaining will take more time than just going to take the shower.  But, my dad's tip just makes me mad, because he's really talking to me.

Whatever.  I have to go take a shower, I guess . . .

Translation:  I'm going to go play with my toys in the bathroom.

Feathered Spokesperson

If you have a parrot, you should teach it to say, "I already did my homework."  That way, if your parents ask you to do your homework instead of watch TV, you can have the parrot answer and you won't be the one lying.

Other helpful sayings your parrot could learn would be:

1. Buy Calvin a new toy.
2. I'm hungry.
3. Yes, I took a shower.
4. I'm making my bed.

PJ . . . OK!

Footy pajamas rule.

Scamming Money from Mom and Dad

Cleaning is okay.  Sometimes you can do it for free.  Sometimes you can get some money from your parents.  If your mom has told you a long time ago to clean your room, but didn't say anything in the last day, then you might be able to do the cleaning and ask to get paid for it.

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

If it's a rainy day and it's really raining hard and the rope is banging against the flagpole at your school, then you're probably having a bad rainstorm.  That's what it was like today where I live.

My tip on this rainstormy day is that you should always have an umbrella.  My mom wasn't prepared today and so we had to run into the restaurant tonight to try to avoid the rain.  I told her she needs to be more prepared next time!

Soccer and Socks

I think soccer is a great sport.  You should try it.  It's kind of complicated, but easy too.  If you think it's just about kicking the ball, then you're wrong.  There's a lot of strategy and defending and field placement and passing.  You have to learn a lot of tricks and dribbling.

My tip for you is that if you ever do play soccer you need to make sure you put your soccer socks on the outside of your shin guards.  Otherwise, you look like a dork and it doesn't work right.

Commentary on Canines

My tip is that dogs are okay in my opinion.  Little dogs are kind of scary and annoying.  So, I don't like little dogs.  But, I do like big dogs.

At my Grandma Spooky's house, the neighbors have an annoying little white dog that comes over into her yard and bites and scratches her.  I was really scared of it.  I don't think that neighbors should allow their dogs to do that.

At my house, we have neighbors who have big dogs.  Darcy is a little scary because she barks so loud.  Zoom is really nice.  I like to call him Zoomy or Zoomy-Zoom.

One exception to the small dogs are bad rule is that my friend Miles has a small dog named Snowflake (I think) and I like that dog.  It's nice.

In conclusion, big dogs are good, even if a little scary when they bark.  Small dogs are mostly bad and annoying.

He's a Travelin' Bear, He's Made a Lot of Stops All over the World

I have this bear named Teddy. He's been to Ghana and India.  He has a book about his first trip to Ghana.  It's called "Teddy's Travels: Ghana."  He just got back from a trip to Ghana with 18 IU students.  On this trip he sat on a crocodile's back and made a batik cloth.  He's a great bear.  And very well traveled.

I think you should get a bear like Teddy and send him on the road like I do.

I also just got a new bear named Blackie.  He's a Webkinz and he's cute.

Half Decadent, All Good

Chocolate strawberries are awesome.  They are especially good when there's a lot of milk chocolate on them and the chocolate is still a little soft because it hasn't totally dried yet.  My mom's are the best.

Plus, they're sort of a half-healthy snack.  What?  I mean, the strawberry is good for you!

Pampering at Grandma's House

Go visit your grandma's house because you get to eat like kings.  


[Ed. note:  This tip comes to you on a full stomach, after having eaten 4 strips of bacon, scrambled eggs, and several cookies for breakfast.]

Another Popcorn Post . . . It's Just That Good!

Never say that popcorn is terrible.  It is a great snack!  

P.S. Have your mom salt it. If she is anything like my mom, she has a salt addiction and will put a lot of salt and butter on it.

Guest Tips

I'm going to let my cousins, Joel and Charlie, give their tips today.  Joel is 8, like me (but not 8 2/3).  Charlie is 5, like my brother.  Here they are:

Joel:  I don't want to give a tip.  Fine:  sports are good exercise.  You should play sports.

Charlie:  Don't use bad words.  If you do, you're stupid.

Thanks, cuzzes!

The Knuckle Trick

Sometimes when you're playing "Rock, Paper, Scissors" you can win by playing a trick.  If you do rock and they do paper and they're about to cover you, you can do the exploding knuckle.  That's when you open your hand and arms and make an explosion sound.  For more effect, you can do it with both hands.  Then you'll be the ultimate "Rock, Paper, Scissors" winner.

Wii Tip, Take 2

This tip will deal with the good side, not the sick joke side, of playing with a Wii.

The Wii is an awesome video game system.  If you think PS trilogy or the xBox 360 trilogy are good, you are nuts.  Although, I will agree that the PS3 is really great.

Wii games are so awesome.

You should try to get a Wii from your parents.  My parents won't let me have one.  My grandparents and my cousin have one, though.  That's part of what makes visiting them so fun.

The Upside and Downside of Travel

Traveling to grandparents' houses is fun, because you can sit in the van and watch movies.  Traveling can be convenient to allow you to catch up on things you haven't had time to do.

I love my grandmas and I like visiting them.

The only problem is if you get car sick and vomit.  Gross!

Hype for Skype

If you want to video chat with your friends, you should get Skype.  It's fun to talk with your friends on the Internet.  It's especially good when your dad goes away to Africa for a trip.  Or when a relative is far away.

It works to keep you in touch with people you care about.

Well Wishes to a Friend in Need

I have friend, who is a table parent at my Wednesday night church program, who has cancer and is really sick.  My tip is that you should always be nice to your friends in need.  You should send them cards, like we did at my church.  You should do special things for them, like we sang a special song on a CD for my friend (aka "the Vampire" -- he helps with American Red Cross blood drives).  And you should write something nice about them, like I'm doing now.

I also want to tell my friend that I'm thinking of you and I hope you feel better!

Say a prayer for my friend, his wife, and his family.

Heroic and Villainous Reality

I love this show called Survivor.  It's a great reality show.  They're doing Heroes vs. Villains right now.  My favorite person on the Villains team is Russell.  He's just a bad, bad dude.  My favorite guy on the Heroes is Rupert.  He seems like a really nice guy.  He's from Indianapolis.  And he runs Rupert's Kids, which seems like a good program for people.  On the Heroes, James is a really bad person.  I kind of hate him.  He's a big cut hunk, though.  And he has washboard abs.  Whoa!!!

If I tried out for Survivor, I wouldn't be fast enough to do the challenges.  The strategy though I would be good at.

You should watch this show.  If you're really smart, good at strategy, and could live without food and drink for awhile, then you should try out.

Oh, Snap! Word Wizardry and Literary Lingo

Onomatopoeia.  It's a great word and, if you don't know what it is, you're a fool.  Especially all the adults out there.  Onomatopoeias are cool and I use them in all my stories. 

You should use onomatopoeias because they are a great way to make stories more interesting and descriptive.

Crunch!

Buzz!

Zip!

Mushy for a Slushy

Target has Mango slushies at the front of the store snack bar.  Strawberry, too.  Mmmm, mmmm.  The're really good.

Comically Gifted

I am a comic book freak!  I went to a store called Vintage Phoenix yesterday.  It's awesome.  It has action figures and comic books.  I got a Green Lantern and a Booster Gold comic book.  Skeets is really funny.

You should go there, too.

Mad Uno Skillz

Uno is a great game.  It takes strategy, risk, and luck.  You should play.  I think you'll like it, because it has a little something for everybody.  You probably shouldn't play against me, though.  I'm just too good.

A Taxonomy of Naughty Words

I know all of the naughty words.  Naughty words come in three types: bad words, cuss words, and swear words.  Bad words aren't necessarily swear words or cuss words, but they're just bad to say, like shut up, stupid, and idiotic.  Cuss words are words like both "d" words, the "b" word, and a few others.  The difference between cuss words and bad words or swear words is that they are really bad, but not quite as bad as swear words, which are just a few words that are really specially picked out as the worst.  Swear words are really, really bad words, which you should probably never say in your whole life.  I won't give examples, because they're so bad you shouldn't even think them.

Most people should avoid naughty words altogether.  Some people have a problem with naughty words.  They're just bad eggs.  They are like Veruca Salt in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  She was just a bad nut.

Against Blindly Volunteering: A Cautionary Tale

If your teacher asks for a volunteer, you better wait until she explains what you're volunteering for.  Because today my friend faced this situation where he volunteered for something without knowing what it was.  Then he learned that he was going to be the mannequin that we all stuck signs on to show where certain bones in his body are.  I got to put "skull" anywhere I wanted on his head.  So I put the sign right on his mouth.  Ha!  That'll teach him to volunteer!

Beware of raising your hand if you don't know what you might be in for!

Beat Down Time!

I had a request from my Uncle Robby to do a tip on "beat downs."  So, here it is:

My Uncle Robby and I like to fight.  Although he sometimes wins, I remember a time that I beat him down good.  It all started one day around Christmastime.  I said, "You can't beat down me!"  The he started running at me, but I jumped out of the way.  He was about to run into the wall when he put his feet down and stopped.  It was almost very hurtful to him because he was going so fast.

To show me his anger, he ran at me with his fist.  I ducked under him and he fell over me.  I think it hurt him, but I didn't care.  I jumped on him and punched him a few times, just to be sure I finished him off.  He was defeated.

What's the moral of the story?

My tip is:  Don't mess with the bull or you'll get the horns.

Uncle Robby knows from personal experience.  Boo-Yah!!

Fat Cats

If your cat gets too fat, you may have to put it on a diet.  Some cats, like my cat Frodo, eat too much and get all lumpy, fat, and lazy.  Sometimes he has a hard time jumping up on things because he's so big.  I think he should stop hogging all the food and let my other cat Pippen have some.

If you have a cat and you think it might be overweight and needs to go on a diet, send me a picture of it.  I can tell you whether it's just big or if it's really fat.

P.S.  The picture at the link is of Frodo as a kitten.  Believe me, he is a big hunk of humongous kitty now.

Diversionary Tactic

My tip today is that sometimes you run out of clever tips. In that case, you should put a cute picture on your tip blog and maybe no one will notice.

Oops!

When your dad, who helps you with your Tip of the Day, is busy doing an editor job for some journal, you might forget to do your tip one day. 

So, my tip is:  Don't let your dad forget!