Dishonest Names

There are some people who have last names that are kind of a lie. For example, I know someone whose last name is Young, but that person is pretty old. There also have been fat people and tall people with the last name Short or Small. What about dumb people named Bright or Sharp? It doesn't seem fair to give people names that are totally not true of themselves.

Sadly, though, I don't think you're allowed to change your name. So, if you've been stuck with a name that doesn't describe you, try to convince your parents and friends to call you something different. But, I bet it won't work.

If you don't like your name for this reason, leave your name in a comment and I'll try to come up with a nickname for you that is more accurate to who you are.

Four Alien Thumbs Up

There is this really cool movie called "Aliens in the Attic."  It's about these kids fighting small aliens who are trying to take over the world.  The aliens have these chips that they can shoot into adults' necks and then control them like video games.  The kids are trying to protect their parents so they don't get shot.  While doing that, they have to do a few little cool techniques, like throwing firecrackers into the vents of the rental house to explode the aliens in them.

This movie is rated PG and I hope you like it.  It is appropriate for people who are 7 years old and up.  My parents don't let me watch PG-13 movies (can you believe that rip?!?), so this is about as good as it gets for me.

Good Reads, Redux

I recommend the Tintin graphic novels and comics. There are two main characters:  Snowy and Tintin.  Tintin also has a few friends that help him along the way, including Thompson and Thomson, Professor Calculus, and Captain Haddock.

The stories are really good because Tintin gets in a lot of trouble and has to fight people along the way.  People always try to play tricks on him, but he plays just as many tricks on them.

I really hope you enjoy the series, because it's one of my favorites.

By the way, if you're wondering why Snowy talks.  I don't know.

Three Words to Cure All Your Ills

Movie.  Theater.  Popcorn.

A Purr-fect Pet

Meow!

What's that noise?  It's a kitty cat.

Kitties are wonderful creatures to have and to play with.  You do have to feed them and clean their litter boxes, which is kind of gross.

Otherwise, kitties are great.  You should go get one if you want companionship and want to hear purring.  They are nice pets.

Chip off the Old . . . Lime?

Do you like chips?  I do.  I like many different kinds of chips, unless they're hot and spicy.  Then, I hate them.  I like most chips, though.  One of my favorite kinds of chips is the Tostitos Restaurant Style Hint of Lime corn tortilla chips.  They are mmmm, mmmm good.  Try them.

Special Brothers

A special needs brother may not always be as fun as most brothers, but he can be really fun to be nice to.  He can't always play with you, because of his special needs.  But, still, you can have fun with him by hugging him and protecting him.

Even though a special needs brother may not be able to talk to you and tell you he loves you, doing nice things for him and seeing him smile will let you know that he does.

A Trio of Tennis's Tremendous Traits

Tennis is fun for three reasons:

1.  You get to hit a ball really hard with the racket.

2.  You can grunt and yell as loud as you want and no one will laugh or say anything.

3.  You always have a good time playing it with your dad or someone else.

So, pick up tennis if you don't already play.

Male Bonding

When your mom's out of town and it's just you, your dad, and your brother, try to do as much fun stuff as you can.  Have a friend over for a sleepover.  Go to a good restaurant for lunch.  Play lots of games.  Get a toy from Target.  Do all the "guy" stuff you can, while the girl in your family is out of town.  If you end up going to a little kids' birthday party and you're the oldest one there and you don't really like birthday cake, it'll still be okay, because you'll have had a really awesome time anyways.

And, then, after a while, it's nice when your mom comes home.  Because, eventually, you really can have a little too much guy time.

Ketchup Blood: Pro & Con

Faking that you're bleeding by pouring ketchup on yourself is a bad idea.  You might actually end up in the hospital and that wouldn't be good. On the other hand, you could use the ketchup on your body to dip the french fries that you buy at the drive thru on the way home from the hospital.

Gettin' Funky

If your kids want to play games, here's a recommendation for them.  This is another game that requires a computer.  I really recommend U.B. Funkeys.  It's a great game.  You get to play a lot of games and visit different islands and locations in Terrapinia.  And you can try solve the mystery of Master Lox and the Great Disaster.  Unfortunately, you can't play it on a Mac, only a PC, unless your Mac has been partitioned so that it has both the Mac OSX and Windows on it.  (At least that's what my dad says.)

"Boy"bysitters

If you get a boy babysitter, even if you're a girl, you should cherish it.  Most boy babysitters are nicer than girl babysitters.  They usually let you do whatever you want.  It's not that they don't make you follow rules.  It's just that they don't have many rules and they like to play with you.  No offense to girls, of course.


Reminder:  If you went to Turkuaz, like I recommended last week, leave a comment on that post.  

Bear-ly Possible

There's a show called "Man vs. Wild," where Bear Grylls does all kinds of amazing survival stuff.  The problem is that they don't do a very good job of telling you how to survive if you refuse to eat gross stuff like snake heads, fish eyes, and weaver ant larvae.  I'm not about to drink my own pee!  And they don't tell you how you'd get up the cliffside by the river if you're not strong enough to climb a bamboo shoot all the way to the top or if there's no tree limb conveniently located for you.  So, my tip is this: if you don't want to eat gross things or drink your own pee or jump over huge glacier crevasses, you better not find yourself in a situation when you need to use Bear Grylls's survival skills.

In Both Senses . . .

Vomiting stinks!

Don't Be a Ball Buster!

If you have a big bouncy yoga ball and you're playing this awesome game with a screwdriver "gun," you might want to throw the screwdriver gun at the ball to pretend your gun got shot out of your hand.  The problem is that the screwdriver gun is pointy and the ball is full of air.  If the point of the screwdriver gun hits the ball it will probably pop.  And if the ball is not yours, you'll probably have to pay to replace it . . . or at least pay for half of it.  I speak from experience.

Good Reads/Bad Reads

If you're looking for a good book to read, then I recommend a few books:  Mysterious Benedict Society, Fablehaven, The Chronicles of Narnia, the Harry Potter series, and the Percy Jackson & the Olympians series  (the first one, The Lightning Thief, is a movie coming out next month).  My mom would recommend either the Twilight series or the Sookie Stackhouse series.  She has a thing for vampires, I guess.  I think those books stink, though.

A Net Positive

There's a really cool Website called Poptropica.  It's at www.poptropica.com .  You may think it's boring at first, adults.  But really there's a lot of puzzles and logic games.  So, really, you'll love it.  My dad even has to help me sometimes win the games.

For kids:  it's almost like playing a video game; but, your parents probably won't limit your time on it like they would a real video game, because it's kind of educational.  You can also laugh at the crazy costumes and wacky names.

If you need any help getting through the islands, just leave me a comment and I'll give you a hint or a cheat.

Good Eats

If you're really sad one night because you didn't get to go to your favorite restaurant and your parents take you to some old Turkish restaurant that you think you're going to hate, you might just be in luck. If it's the Turkuaz Cafe on Lincoln and Third in Bloomington, then it's a great place to eat.  You can have yummy sour cherry juice and an olive and mushroom pide, which is a bread boat with cheese melted in it.  And who wouldn't like that?

If you've ever eaten there or you try it out based on this tip, leave me a comment to let me know how awesome it was.  And if you don't think it was awesome, I'm not sure I want you coming back to this blog anymore.

How to Outsmart the White Witch and Avoid Becoming a Stone Statue

If you ever ran into the White Witch Jadis of Narnia and she was getting ready to turn you into stone for being loyal to Aslan, you should probably try to talk her out of it.  Or you might try to fake a contract with her signature that says that she has agreed not to harm you.  But, your last hope might be that her magic malfunctions and she turns you into a stone-like creature that can still move around.  That way you could have armor of stone and you might be able to defeat her in a fight.

Everything College Students Need to Know I Learned in Third Grade

College students should pay close attention to this tip . . . especially if you're in my dad's class.  You need to take initiative for your own homework, not just e-mail or call your teacher to tell them you're not going to get it done.  Don't call your teacher to say that you're not going to have your book, because you didn't order it in time for it to be here by the time class starts.  You might just end up getting more homework than you would have had if you'd taken the initiative and gotten it done on time.  And don't send disrespectful or bad e-mails.  That just makes things worse.  So, college students, use your brains.  Do your homework.  Think about whether your e-mail is a nice e-mail or a bad one.  My third grade teacher tells us the same tip . . . and we follow it.

A Profound -- If Depressing -- Conclusion

World peace is impossible.  People can still do bad things everyday and some will do them when they think everyone else is going to act nice.  It's sad.

No Nap Policy

When you get to be old like me, beds are only for sleeping at night.  You don't take naps anymore, except in the car.  Like yesterday afternoon, I slept for 25 minutes in the car while my parents ran a bunch of silly errands.  It was good to pass the time.  But, I never would have slept for 25 minutes in my own bed in the afternoon.  Parents just need to get used to that.

Loud Brothers and Dumb Movies Are a Bad Combination

If there's a toy in the house and you have a sibling who is trying to play with that toy and it's really loud and you're trying to watch a really dumb movie called "Whiskers" about a cat who turns into a human, it's pretty annoying.  So, at least try to get your brother to turn off the loud toy.  Then, maybe try to convince your parents to let you watch a PG-13 movie instead of the stupid cat-becomes-man dork of a movie.

Another Possible Confusing Homonym

I hope you know the difference between a mummy and your Mummy.  If you're from Great Britain, it's really important to know the difference.  A mummy -- all dead and wrapped up in strips of cloth -- is always scary.  Your Mummy is almost never scary and usually very important in your life. 

Oh, the Tangled Webs We Weave

There's a difference between a web and "The Web."  If someone tells you, "I put it on the web," you better make sure you're not talking to a spider.  You don't want to mess with a spider web, but going on the World Wide Web to find something can be fun.  So, remember, if you're being told that "it's on the web" by someone with eight legs, don't bother.  Otherwise, it's worth checking out.

Not a Real Doughnut

If someone offers you a "Hertz Donut" don't accept it.  It's probably a trick and they'll hit you and say "hurts, don't it."  Even if there's a pile of doughnuts right there, don't fall for it.  A "Hertz Donut" hurts, don't it?

Of Immature Uncles

If you have uncles who are mean, don't play Wii with them.  If you do, they'll make comments like, "You really like to play with your Wii, don't you?"  And they don't mean the video game system, if you know what I mean.

(By the way, happy 40th birthday Uncle Robby.)

An Unexpected Manifesto Regarding Days Off School

Schools should not give extra days off for kids when teachers go back to school.  You might think it's fun, but it's not.  The TV still thinks it's a regular school day and only preschool kids will be home.  So, it shows all these dumb little kid shows, not the cool kid shows that are on weekends and after school.  So, if you're a kid, don't wish for days off school.  It's a bad-TV trap.

Just Common Sense Self-Preservation

When someone tells you they're going to give you a Toyota, you need to ask them if they really mean a Toyota car or just a "toy yoda" . . . some stupid little toy.  It's an old tip, but a good one.

Legos and Parents

Don't open all of the little packages of Legos and dump them all together when you're starting to build your new huge Indiana Jones Lego set, because your dad will get mad at you for having to come over all the time and help you search for the little pieces you need.

A New Year's Tip

Don't make a stupid New Year resolution, like practicing your piano more, because it will ruin your whole year.